don't ever let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game....

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 03:50:21 GMT

three things today:

1)- ARJAY IS THE BEST EVER FOR HELPING ME GET A JOBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2)- I LOVE MY SISTERS AND MY BIG SISSSSS!!! Piphi's are sooo cute and fun, and stacy is always there to cheer me up and listen to my ridiculous stories. :)

3)- I'm SO excited to play PI PHI FOOTBALL!!! Hooray for the hottest team ever....

"maybe it's finally gonna work out for you"- a really good friend. :)

i hope so !

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 05:25:25 GMT

the word of the day is timing.

it sucks.

* yeah *

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 20:55:10 GMT

* i know what i need *

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 17:23:54 GMT

So I thought this was kindof funny and interesting....

go to google and type in "____your name____ needs" and then post the top 5 funniest, or most bizzaro things it comes up with.... hehehe here's mine:

Sarah needs a new home right away!

Sarah needs the help of the notorious Captain Jamie Kerrick

Sarah needs to play

Sarah needs minor adjustments to improve her game

Sarah needs a drink- hahaha i kid you not this was on there :)

dooo itt. it's fun times you guys :)

* and you'll live as you've never lived before *

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:53:23 GMT

merrily

life is but a dream........

this is my REAL updated entry. :) I just felt that the news in the other post was so disgusting, it had to have it's own entry made out of it.

Surprisingly enough, my INCREDIBLY busy, jam-packed, hectic life here at UCI has been in one word.............

A M A Z I N G.

Basically on Monday's I'm in the SAME classroom (for 2 different classes) from 9am-1pm.... and then I have voice lesson downstairs from 1-130..... and then I have random sorority stuff to attend to until laaaaate into the night.... but I LOVE monday's. :)

Tuesday I have voice lesson in the morning from 930-10, than class 11-1220, then choir from 330-620..... and even though I'm basically on campus alll day I LOVE my schedule!

The rest of the week basically follows along the same exciting pattern- HOURS of class for one measley little unit... but as opposed to last year when I would just sign up for one 4 unit class and never go and just be in it for the units.... *cough cough* .... this year I realy enjoy going. I REALLY love sitting in class and hearing about notes, and triads, and pentachords, and Diatonic and Phrigian and Aeolian collections.... I know I sound like a loser but the thing is that I really don't care.

This summer I had so many problems with my family, with E V E R Y T H I N G, and was dealing with so many unspoken demons and regrets that I thought had disappeared but were really just underneath my hard surface. Last year I told myself I was enjoying myself, and yes there were definitely some GREAT moments where I had FUN, and I laughed, and joked etc.... but as my parents and I discussed at the end of August... I hadn't really truly been happy since the end of my Junior Year of Highschool. And I didn't truly discover why until very recently.

The end of my junior year was when singing- my ONE steadfast CATHARTIC mechanism in LIFE- STOPPED being fun, and relaxing.... it became stressful, unfullfilling, etc. The amount of effort I put in, the blood, the sweat and the tears no longer equaled the amount I would get out. I received so much less..... Which is why I put it behind me during applications for schools.... but long story shortened, I re-discovered my passion with the help of my parents, and now all is well and I feel like I have been re-born.

*****************************************************************************************************

Aside from that excitement, my purse definitely disappeared exactly one week ago... :( SAD! It would be okay except it had my ARROWDAZE shirt and my digi in there. :( *tear*

My horoscope TOTALLY freaked me out today:

The solution came to you last night while you lay there worrying, as opposed to sleeping. Get past that stumbling block and you'll prove -- to yourself -- you can get to where you want to be....

Smartchild has been pretty accurate before, but this was a little scary. I have come to the conclusion that in some aspects of my life, or maybe just like one aspect, I worry wayyyyyyyyyyyyy tooooooo muuuuccccccchhhhhhhh. But I definitely did come to a solution so this is good. :)

****************************************************************************************************

MY BIG SIS GOT ME AN ADORABLE BIKINI AND CUTE SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

thats all for now.

ew times 3

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:23:25 GMT

"TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES EXPECTING CHILD."

how disgusting.

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 04:15:45 GMT

boom boom.....

recruitment is over.... we have our new baby angels..... and we've already spent 2 nights on the town.....

i love life!!

Twenty of us all dressed and ready to go out to the PHI-PSI Tequila Tuesday!!!!!! :) Wife beaters and jean skirts = hott.

Me and Danielle document our first beverage of the night!! :)

Me and Ashley take a break from dancing to smile pretty for the camera. Yah Pledge Sis!

The sea of Wife-Beaters you see in this picture means only one thing- PI PHIS REPRESENTED THAT NIGHT!!!! :) WHOOHOO! I think we ended up having between 30-40 girls going that night. It was amazzziiing and I got to spend some great quality time with the baby angels.

Ummm..... by the end of the night my shirt ripped a little bit..... thats what you get for dancing to my humps!! Me and Lacey

Me, Charlotte, Sam, and Emma- Charlotte kept up the cheer all night- Soo cuute! :)

The Phi-Psi house was not quite as janky as I remembered..... but as you can see there was only one airconditioned room.... Here's Sam and Charlotte again with Elle and Marisa.

STACY, ABBY, MARISA, SAM P., LACEY, JENNIFER, CELIA, LAUREN, LAINA, CATIE, LAURA.

LAST PIC........

VICTORIA, TIFFANY, ANNA-MARIE, HEATHER, TARYN, STACY, LYNAE, BRIDGETTE.

I LOVEEEEE THE BABY ANGELS!!!!!!!!!

PI...PI BETA... PI BETA PHI!! YOU'VE SEEN THE REST, THESE GIRLS JOINED THE BEST..... :)

bethelehemu

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 20:05:42 GMT

I had more fun last night for the 20 or so minutes we clapped around our house than I have had the rest of the week. I can't even explain how hilarious it was.... I was literally rolling on the floor. Maybe it's because of the words people were shouting out... and maybe it was because I kept thinking about "BET-HE-LE-HE-MU."

hahhahahahahhaha

sooooooooooooooooooooooo exccccccccciiiiiiiiiiittttttttttedddddddd

caaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnn't waaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!!

boom boom.

* bay TA *

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 08:09:44 GMT

i'm tired and i hate how "people change...."

umm, we are the kuh.

hahaha. ooooo man...........

* so excited *

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 08:47:55 GMT

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRREEEEDD

AND

STTTTTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRREEESSSSSSSSEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD-OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUTTTT

boring post

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 08:05:32 GMT

Growl.

Lots of stuff happening in my life right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily I got an email back from the music professors at UCI and they are giving me a chance to audition.... which is YAY. :) But unfortunately I panicked and like had to fly home at the SUPPPPER last minute to get everything done! (Get some training, have my friend help me with the Italian... etc.) :)

Other than flying home, I got my bicycle which made me verrrry excited. <3 my bike! <3

So far I've been pretty impressed with myself. No, not in like a "I'm so conceited I can do anything" kind of way, but in a WOW i'm actually kindof coping with not having a car etc. I mean it's been tough obviously but not actually as bad as I imagined. When it all first happened I most def. had a large breakdown for awhile, wondering how I would survive. But like the OCTA is so amazing and like a lot of things I need to go to are pretty close so surprisingly enough I should be A-ok. :)

As for my love life....

We'll see what happens. The more I think about it, the more complicated it becomes and the more my head hurts!! :( I think I really just can't handle this right now. Any of it, dating, different guys, one guy, whatever I'm going I can't do it anymore!!! ARG!

Well here's half a song about what I'm going through.... or sortof. I mean like all my songs it's ridiculously exaggerated. :) But I haven't written one in awhile so hope ya like the first verse and chorus :)

I imagine
What it might have been
I think of all the memories that we've yet to live,
All I've left to give, but now I'm running on empty
There's nothing left to say
Too much has changed
I've never dreamed it would end up turning out this way,
Was it all a waste? Did it ever mean a thing?

All the times I cried, Looking in your eyes,
Trying to decide, what you felt inside,
But every night I'd break, I just couldn't take the pain that came with trying

It was so bittersweet
You knocked me off my feet
But before I stood my ground
It was pulled right out from under me
And I couldn't breathe
But the rush was so intoxicating
I wanted more
But my brain grew sore
Too many questions in my head
Was I was the one that you adored?
Or were you craving more?
I only know one thing
It was bittersweet

************************************************************************************************

.......like a petal falling to the ground.......

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 08:43:00 GMT

My friends from home keep asking "why I care so much."

And then I just kick myself because I'm wondering the same thing.

I just don't understand why this is so difficult for me, and not for him. It kindof irritates me, and makes me think that this was what he wanted all along but felt to bad to initiate it himself. Ya know, like the whole time he secretly was thinking to himself "gosh I wish we could just be friends" except didn't want to be the one to break the whole thing off.

Then there are the times when I come up with a million different ways on how this could end up *happy,* like he could realize that he does want to be with me, and that... i dunno.... we'll just figure it out as we go I guess. Although reality ends up kicking and I once again conclude that I just wasn't worth the risk and the effort.

Basically I'm just really saddened by the thought that I simply wasn't worth it to him, it kills me. Everyone keeps telling me not to beat myself up and there is nothing I could or should have done differently, but if thats the case than why is it the ONLY explanation to account for this current state? It had to have been me, something I said, or didn't say, something I did or didn't do, or didn't do right.

It was just so awkward for me today.... not because I was bored, or not having a good time, in fact it was for the exact opposite reason. I had fun, and I enjoyed being with him, spending time with him. I felt completely awkward. And all the while he just went around like his regular self, totally unaware of the torment I was dealing with, the constant battle with my brain telling it not to want to grab his hand or trace his back with mine.... UGH!

Laila was right and it was too soon. He may never know how I'm feeling right now, and at least I think it didn't show, but I definitely am NOT ready too keep up this fake pretense like "i don't care" because gosh darn it I DO. I CARE and I HATE THAT.

I'd say it's pretty obvious he doesn't care about what we never got a chance to have.....but I'm not like that.

It's all the things left undiscovered that are killing me basically. Never knowing what could've happened, what it might have been like. I guess some things you just never figure out and there is no way to ever know.

It's like how Seth told Summer that one time that he couldn't "just be friends" with her. Now we definitely are nothing at all like Seth and Summer.... but that statement still rings true for me. At least right now, I can't just be friends. Honestly, I don't know if I can be anything.

You look at me,
Like you always do.
You don’t have a clue.
You smile at me,
You hug me,
But you don’t know I still want you.
You play with me,
You flirt with me,
but to you I’m just your friend.

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight
Just a bridge that I gotta burn

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 03:46:23 GMT

As I sat on the cold cement sidewalk, my feet uncomfortably drenched in mud and my hands dirty from the hubcap I was clutching, I couldn't help but think about how I really knew this was all going to be over soon.

I don't feel like expanding but basically I'm pretty disappointed but not tooo surprised. :( While it was definately something that I wish that wouldn't have happened, something I continue to secretly blame on myself, I suppose all along I subconciously prepared myself for the end that I knew would eventually come. Now that it's here, i suppose it's better I was ready for failure cuz it makes it all the easier to deal with. :) Eventhough I blame myself I can't help but recall what I read in cosmo....

"Sometimes women get punished for the past mistakes and ignorance of other women."

sighs. anyyyyyways....

Other than that aspect things have been okay... still no job :( but I haven't applied yet so i'm okay haha. :) I am loving my roomies and my apartment. Now that I have my laptop, I'm really excited to keep updating and finally be able to post PICTURES of my APARTMENT! :) YAYY!

okay time to go now.... more later and it will be more interesting I promise. hehe

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 00:33:51 GMT

wow. it's been flipping forever since my last entry. so much has happened, I just don't even KNOW where to start! EEEK! okay soooo, basically the end of my summer was rather boring. didn't do anything too excited, although shopping for apartment tidbits was wayyy exciting times. i ended up getting kyle to drive me down here on the 25th, and i've been in my beautiful apartamento since then. :) i will post pictures soon, but i don't have my computer yet. okay before i continue to update everyone on my wonderfully exciting life, i just have a few things to say.

"2am and i'm still awake writing this song, if I get it all down on paper it's no longer a part of me, threatening the life it belongs to.... and I feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd cuz these words are my diary screaming out loud, and I know that you'll use them however you want to...."

My LJ is the one place I can really communicate all my feelings to everyone. These song lyrics accurately and very pricisley express why I write my LJ, and how i feel posting my song lyrics, etc. Everything is so personal to me. It takes a lot to sit down and write my soul onto a computer screen. I write for my friends, to stay in contact with people I barely get to see anymore, but most importantly I write for MYSELF. To express how i'm feeling and to look back on some days and remember everything that has happened. BASICALLY, I don't appreciate people tearing apart my words, my heart and my thoughts, using them how they want to, and then continuing to research my friends! I understand that since it's a public blog, available to everyone online to read that it seems like "fair game", and i suppose in some respects that it is. But I would hope that the people who read it respect my life, me, and my friends, and don't start saying crap about the things we write about. I'm generally nice, and I honestly never want to be on anyones bad side. More than anything I'm embaressed for you. I'm not upset, I pity you. I think it's rather pathetic that you dig through my archives looking for interesting things to talk about that you THINK concern you, when honestly... if you're not my friend, or even on GOOD TERMS with me then they DON'T. :) That's all. With all that said, if you would like to continue reading, please be my guest. But leave my FRIENDS alone at least.

So move-in went pretty darn smoothly. It was anxious waiting out the last few days of summer, and quite an exciting experience shoppping around for things for the apartment. WHICH I LOVE btw. It could not be more perfect.

It never ceases to amaze me how I can be be gone for days, weeks, months, etc, and yet the moment I arrive back in Newport everything picks up almost where I left off- the friendships began to get stronger again, and with the help of my lovely roommates and the best big sis in the world more great times and memories are already beginning to take place. :)

Sunday night was our first gathering at our new place. :) Kyle and Shaw came, from their respective places outside of UCI. Laila was of course there and looked as hott as ever, and steph was visited by Carlos and Milad from our hall. Then the best big sis from the greatest sorority in the world, Stacy, showed up with her charming jewish counterpart Danny and their friend Al. Jimmy came that night also, which of course made for an interesting night.

The next night Kyle was leaving so we finished up some shopping, and ended his visit with a trip to BJ's for some VERY sinful pizza, pasta, and wedges. :) Then he was off to Danville, and I was off to the beach for about 35 seconds and a random drive along Culver. I just don't even know.

The next day I basically hungout by the pool, in the hottub, or in Ralph's and Albertson's. heehee.

Wednesday we went to DISNEYLAND!!!!!! The new space-mountain really is exciting, I promise. Of course Disneyland gets me EVERY time, and me and laila had some great convos in line for the rides. In line for thunder mountain I was greeted by a familiar-looking yet unattractive face. It wasn't who I had at first thought it might have been, which was fortunate for me since mine and laila's conversation which I must say I was speaking VERY loud about, might have seem a little strange to them. ;) *winks*

That night Laila and I were SUPPOSED to both be in for a date night.... however both of us ended up back in the hottub again, except this time we had jimmy for company. After brushing up on some "LA TORTURA" choreography, the timer had gone off signaling the start of LAILA'S BIRTTTHHHDDAYYYY!!!!! :) YAYYYY!

We definately celebrated for the entire 24 hours of Septemeber 1st, and probably even longer than that. :) That day I asked jimmy to drive me around town to pick up items for Laila's gathering I was planning that night. I got a delicious cake, and organized my first facebook party invitation of the year. haha. Ummm.... some random guys from facebook thought it would be interesting to call my cell phone and ask for directions to the party.... A.W.K.W.A.R.D. They turned out not to be like tooo creepy, but not exactly great either. Only a few people showed up that night, but it's QUALITY not quantity and I have to say the QUALITY was pretty damn fine. :)

All in all I would have to say laila's bday was definately a good memory. I wish our other roommates could have been there to enjoy it as well, but Eliza was out and it's still a few weeks before the other cuties return. :)

*************************************************************************************************

And now, for a rant and rave.

*************************************************************************************************

When did it become OKAY for guys to be the ones in control of relationships? Have of the time, they don't even know what they are doing, and neither do we, so who says it's okay for them to be the ones who decide when and where we hangout, etc.? It's so ridiculously annoying.

Lately it has really occured to me how messedup "college dating" is. I know I used to always make fun of high school dating, where friends of crushes would set everything up, hinting you guys would be cute together, and ultimately leading to a question of "Will you go out with me" usually accompanies by some kind of cheap floral arrangement- However judging by the actions of mature 20-somethings these days, I would have to say my vote is for the flowers.

Too often perfectly sweet and very attractive girls are chased by guys "looking for someone"- and then basically left out to wonder where along the lines they were lied to, what is WRONG with THEM, or if something is wrong with the 20something and if he even knows what he was "looking for" in the first place.

It's like guys are constantly getting into trouble with "the bad girls", girls who you know, sleep around, etc, girls who tease and flirt and leave them heartbroken in the end for their next victim. Then these guys come running to "nice girls" like us who will treat them well, and who they can have a fun time with. Or at least, they CLAIM thats what they want.

Are guys really hypocrites when they say they want a "nice girl", that they are "playing for keeps", and that they want a REAL relationship? Is this something they try to convince themselves or has it just become a popular pick-up line that sometimes, sadly, WORKS?

It just really frusterates me, being one of the girls who wouldn't mind pouring time and energy into making a relationship work, that these boys are constantly denying that they play games but all the while seriously "phunking with our hearts." Not like the things I am talking about have really been serious in any way, it's just the fact that they are the ones in the beginning who want US- and WE are the ones who make a lot of sacrifices and compromises to fit them into our lives- AND THEN WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE LEFT WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED.

If you're going to chase me, don't cut out before you've reached the finish line.

Or maybe, we both just had a verrrrrry different idea of what the "finish line" is.

Don't pretend like you are really in it for keeps, like you really want a girl to have a relationship with..... cuz you almost had one and you didn't take her when you had the chance.

None of us want to keep making excuses for you. None of us wanted to be part of this game. We never lied when we talked to you. We never had conversations with strange people, imaginary or real, jokingly or serious. We were REAL, and YOU are shady.

I just don't understand how many more chances we're supposed to give out. How do you know when it's really time to throw in the towel????????????

"It started off well, you played your cards right,

You knew just what to say, to make me yours that night

How long did you think you could keep it up for

Before I would find out, before I'd have enough

Of your lies, your mindless games, your love

All the things you did and said were only to keep me coming back

You thought you were so smart to keep it going

How long did you think it'd go without me knowing

Just what was going on- that it was just a joke

The things you said to make you mine

The promises you broke each night

You had a hold on me but now I've gotta hold of you

Your deepest fears your deepest thoughts

I caught your lies they've got to stop

Your secret life your secret friends and lovers

Were the things I discovered"

sooo come on and take it...take another little piece of my heart

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 21:21:59 GMT

Wow. Lots going on… ummmmm okay lets startat the beginning.

In a nutshell, I’ve more or less haven’t talked to or SEEN my parents in one week…. I feel like I’m Marisa on the OC and I keep like escaping to Chino to evade her parents… hahah except chino in this case = Kyle’s garage.

So Wednesday after babysitting I go back to my house, grab my mic and sing in my car for like 3 hours haha. Well I’m in a pretty good mood so I decide to finally sit down and have dinner with my family (which I haven’t done since July 25^th or something). Well dinner of course doesn’t go well, and ends up in another screaming match between my mom, my dad, and I. So shortly after that I run up to my room and grab a few essentials, and then head over to Kyle’s because I know his fam will let me stay there for a few nights. At first it was kindof awkward, and his mom kept asking if everything was okay, but since I really didn’t want to go into it I just said I needed some time away, and thanks for letting me stay here, that kindof thing.

My parents first tried to reach me Thursday night, figure out where I was, and try to make me come home and talk. They had been flirting with the idea of me getting a student loan for awhile, saying that I didn’t deserve their respect and their money basically because I wasn’t respectful towards them, etc. Well even though a loan sounds like a major biotch to take out, at this point I liked the idea of the loan better than the idea of being dependent on my parents for every little thing I did at school. I figured the less they had to offer me, the less I had to give them in return and I could finally start living for myself on my own.

Unfortunately Friday the bank contacted me and in more words or less basically said I couldn’t take out a loan in my name, and that I would have to go through my parents. So that night I head over to my house because my mom and sister are leaving for their little mother daughter extravaganza to DC and NY the next morning, and it’s the last chance I would have to get all of this loan stuff straightened out.

So nutshell again, Friday night I sign a 16,000 loan which basically is for this next year, tuition, rent, sorority, everything. So as hard as everything is going to be, I’m actually pretty happy about my financial situation because I don’t have to feel like I’m feeding off my parents and like disappointing them or as my mom likes to put it “wasting her money”. Now, it’s MY money so I can use it how I want, and no one can bother me about it so YAY. J

I wish things were better with my parents, like relationship wise, but at this point I don’t really know what to do. I haven’t been home in awhile and it would seem strange to me to just like show up now out of the blue….I guess technically I still live there, but whether they even want me there is just completely unknown to me.

My grandma keeps calling probably wondering where I am and how I’m doing, but she hasn’t left a message yet because it keeps getting messed up. I wonder how much she knows about this.

Okay enough of that. So in other news… Friday night me and Kyle were sitting in my car, and I had my itunes going and this karaoke song came on. Well I had been practicing “good singing” for like so many hours in the past week I felt like singing REALLLY horribly so we started to just like mess around and sing horrible karaoke. Then I realized I still had my mic so I started recording us doing it and they are SOOOO hilarious to listen to now!!! Hahahaa.

Saturday night was fun, chilled; hangout went to Denny’s, etc. Denny’s = grosss! But I do admit I love those stupid flavor burst things they can add to your sodas. Hehehe. I always get them even though I’m sure they are like PURE corn syrup. Oh well. J

Sunday was SOOOO awesome- long day, but really cool. At 930 I dragged myself out of bed and went to church with Catherine. It had been suuuuch a long time since I had gone! Since memorial day actually… so it was really refreshing to go. Afterwards we went back to catherines and had some REALLY delicious sandwiches we made on baguettes, and then watched 7 episodes of the OC. Hahahah. It was great. Then to top it off we got frozen yogurt and watched an episode of Friends too and ate cookies. YUMMY! J IloveCatherine. J And besides her being really super amazing and soo fun, it was also really nice to hangout with a GIRL for a change. Hehehee.

That night Kyle and I went on a run... mmm I love running lately. I don’t know why I just developed this thing for it. Then we went swimming, then out to Fenton’s. I LOVE FENTON’S!!!!!!!!!!! There is just NO BEATING IT.

After Fenton’s I was dragged out to the slaughterhouse. HAHAHA. Fun times getting there though…. Me thinking I know EXACTLY how to get there and then ACCIDENTALLY running them up and down some residential development….. we got to Antioch at midnight, and I SWEAR we didn’t end up AT the slaughterhouse until 130, after I called my bro and told him to mapquest directions the road for us. Hahaha.

So that thus far has been my life…. More to come soon. Only one week til Judgement Day. SCARY TIMES. But I’m practicing really hard and hoping not to get sick so hopefully everything will turn out fine. J

*hearts and huggs*

i'm a wild one

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 02:03:29 GMT

MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IN THE FORM OF A FAITH HILL SONG :)

They said change your clothes
She said no I won't
They said comb your hair
She said some kids don't
And her parents dreams went up in smoke
They said you can't leave
She said yes I will
They said don't see him
She said his name is Bill
She's on a roll and it's all uphill
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free
She loves Rock and Roll
They said it's Satan's tongue
She thinks they're too old
They think she's too young
And the battle lines are clearly drawn
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free
She has future plans and dreams at night
When they tell her life is hard she says that's alright
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace
When she was 3 years old on her daddy's knee
He said you can be anything you want to be
She's a wild one
Runnin' free

* ....i'm definately still alive..... thanks for asking..... *

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 23:51:32 GMT

woke up this morning and was like OMG IT'S AUGUST. just thought that was weird.

last night went to kyles house at around 7, he had been gone for the weekend so it was exciting to see him. WELL funny thing happened.... hahaha his little cousins were over, the same ones I went and visited LAST summer (kyle and I took off for a few days and went on a boating trip in SLO and stayed at their house it was awesome) and so i saw them and was like "Hey Guys!!" Well, I figured they would remember me ya know, haha and so this little girl looks at me with her HUGE eyes and was like, very slowly, "what.....are you DOING here....." and i was like, "oh I'm just hanging out with kyle, we're going to go to the pool!" and her little brother goes, "so you guys are like, back together?" and i was like *awkward* "Oh no we're just friends, hangingout and going to the pool." And the girl looks at me and goes "Oh. Kyle told us you were dead."

HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

I could not stop laughing. I thought it was the funniest thing EVER! I was like, "oh, well no i'm still alive." And of course Kyle looks at me and is like "Sarah I SWEAR i did not say that i did NOT tell them you died i PROMISE" and i was just like, whatever. I thought it was funny.

Later I got pissed off and threw a pillow at him cuz he laughed during the best part of Jerry Maguire. I was pissed. I was like on the verge of tears and he just starts laughing. !!!!!!!! *angry face* !!!!!!!!!!!!

that's it. wow can't believe its august...................

oh yeah and then i took this quiz and it was super accurate so thats weird.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 23:49:13 GMT

i woke up this morning and was like OMG IT'S AUGUST. just thought that was weird.

last night went to kyles house at around 7, he had been gone for the weekend so it was exciting to see him. WELL funny thing happened.... hahaha his little cousins were over, the same ones I went and visited LAST summer (kyle and I took off for a few days and went on a boating trip in SLO and stayed at their house it was awesome) and so i saw them and was like "Hey Guys!!" Well, I figured they would remember me ya know, haha and so this little girl looks at me with her HUGE eyes and was like, very slowly, "what.....are you DOING here....." and i was like, "oh I'm just hanging out with kyle, we're going to go to the pool!" and her little brother goes, "so you guys are like, back together?" and i was like *awkward* "Oh no we're just friends, hangingout and going to the pool." And the girl looks at me and goes "Oh. Kyle told us you were dead."

HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

I could not stop laughing. I thought it was the funniest thing EVER! I was like, "oh, well no i'm still alive." And of course Kyle looks at me and is like "Sarah I SWEAR i did not say that i did NOT tell them you died i PROMISE" and i was just like, whatever. I thought it was funny.

Later I got pissed off and threw a pillow at him cuz he laughed during the best part of Jerry Maguire. I was pissed. I was like on the verge of tears and he just starts laughing. !!!!!!!! *angry face* !!!!!!!!!!!!

that's it. wow can't believe its august...................

oh yeah and then i took this quiz and it was super accurate so thats weird.

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#B9D3EE" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>How You Life Your Life</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#C6E2FF"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/faces.jpg"></center><font color="#000000">
You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/">How Do You Live Your Life?</a></div>

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 21:31:42 GMT

i'm not really sure what i want to write so i guess i'm just going to go with it.

this past week has been pretty horrible for me..... selfishly i've allowed myself to feel sorry for myself, because of everything thats happened.... and that feeling in return has just made everything worse. tuesday i was able to get through, but wednesday and thursday things got messy.

Wednesday was the memorial service for the mother of one of the most amazing, talented, whole-hearted girl I have ever been friends with in my life. I arrived with Kevin and Kyle a few minutes early, and had time in the beggining to greet the 30 people I haven't sang with or talked to in over a year, but who I used to spend more time with than my own family. One of the mom's said to me "You know it's a sign of age when you only gather together for a funeral" and Kyle immediately responded with "Well we still hangout." haha. Leave it to Kyle to comment back on something like that. At first I was like, okay I mean I suppose that makes sense, I haven't seen these people, but you know thats what happens after high school.

But the more I got to thinking about it, talking to people, catching up, I realized that the reason we haven't stayed connected isn't necessarily a two-way road at all.... it's because since going to UCI I have barely made an effort to keep up with everyone's life, to keep a part of my life and myself invested in DANVILLE. It's like the Sex and the City Quote- Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. More than anything, I wanted to go to college and let go of Danville, let go of the relationships..... I guess I just assumed everyone would do the same thing. But I was definately proven wrong as I felt completely disconnected.

I guess I've just been realizing what I've been thinking about all summer- There is SO LITTLE left here in Danville that I really can hang-on too.... so little things I can go, people and places I can visit.... I've realized how little it seems like HOME.

Listening to the reverand speak at the service was eye-opening as well..... She spoke about the life of the woman of which I knew little about..... and the more she spoke about it the more I realized how incredibly amazing she was. It was SO UPLIFTING to hear about how she lived her entire life with such a strong hope, and incredible faith. Her faith was parallel to Jamie Sullivan in A Walk to Remember, like exactly. Hearing about it caused me to reconsider the role of my faith in my life. I decided that I'm going to really put effort into finding a decent church service to attend near school... not because it will make me FEEL better as a person, but honestly because I just really miss it. It's not like I feel that I can only build up my faith by going to church, because after the week i've had my faith has grown more than it has in a long time.... It's just that I really MISS being surrounded by people who have the same kindof beliefs that I do- not just on a spiritual level, but everything- similar morals, etc.

After some long searching I discovered how scary next year is going to be. That might sound a little extreme, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how I can't rely on my family like I used to, I can't rely on my friends from home, because we've lost touch.... basically Danville/HOME has become a place that I visit to see my parents and brother... ( my sister is moving across the country in a little over a month- for a FEW YEARS OR PERMENANTLY ) .... and thats all it is.....

On so many levels I'm just completely confused..... a lot of you probably know about the thing with the "hidden LJ" the other night.... which I finally got him to admitt was totally created FOR ME TO LOOK AT.... so it wasn't so hidden at all. Well, now it's deleted so I'm not even sure what to think about that. It kindof scared me that maybe I have had this slanted view of what the two of us were.... or maybe not. But regardless of "our status" or whatever you want to call it, it is really comforting and reassuring to know that NO MATTER WHAT he will be my friend til the end, and be there for me when I need someone to talk to- and that I will do absolutely the same thing for him! :)

A lot of the guys that I've been talking to this summer keep asking me to hangout.... and so far I've turned down all of them..... and I'm not even sure why. I guess it's because part of me KNOWS that their reasons are perhaps not as noble as they would like me to think... I mean I'm going to school in a month it's obvious that they don't want any kind of relationship or any kind of strings.... But then I thought about it and was like- SARAH - WHAT DO YOU WANT. I mean it may seem selfish but I think that we're at the age when we need to actually think about what we want, not what anyone else wants, or what it will look like. Now that i'm living basically on my own and acting independently, I'm finally free to call my own shots so I guess it's time I start doing that. AHHHHHHH It just sucks that everything is so confusing I guess.

Sometimes I really wish that I could be like other girls, not caring about anything except for having fun and going out with whomever they want. But somehow I just don't feel like I can do that- actually I know I can't. That's not me and it's time I accept that it's not. I just hope that in the next year at school, I'll maybe be able to find a guy who is genuinely interested in me.... and then we'll just see how it goes from there. :)

Umm... other than that I'm still trying to figure out how the hell i'm going to get a job without having a car. :( I've absolutely exhausted my options now, after calling like 100 insurance places and trying to convince my parents to trade in my car for one with cheaper rates..... We've finally come to the agreement that I just can't have one, and I'm going to have to make due riding the bus all the time (BARF). That and then getting my little sis to cart me back and forth from my sorority meetings muahahahaha. It shouldn't be sooo bad, I've just been overstressing I think. ARGGGGGGGGGGGH I just wish everything didn't seem so hard and confusing all the time.... :(

You keep saying you've got something for me.
something you call love, but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that you´ll never get burnt.
Ha! I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah
and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!

*later*

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 05:33:01 GMT

and like that, it all comes crashing down.

it's like you're cutting me

it's like you're deep within my skin

it's like you damaged me

i'm bleeding from within

just when i thought that everything was healed you tore it open

and just when i thought we closed the book you went over to it and you burned it

SCREAMS.......fill my head up they're circling within it.... my

SOUL is ripped from the inside out through my skin

It's Torn

now it's ripped up

my Heartbreak makes me sick

And There's nothing I can do to escape it

Except for Scream

Your knife is sharper now

It's worse than I remembered

Your cut is deeper now

Or maybe I'm just more tender

just when i thought that everything was healed you tore it open

and just when i thought we closed the book you went over to it and you burned it

SCREAMS.......fill my head up they're circling within it... my

SOUL is ripped from the inside out through my skin

It's Torn

now it's ripped up

my Heartbreak makes me sick

And There's nothing I can do to escape it

Except for Scream

I'm going out of my head

Wondering What I did

What did I do to deserve this

I thought everything was fine

I ate up all your lies

I lived in a fake happy ending

but now I hear

SCREAMS.......they fill my head up they're circling within it

SOUL is ripped from the inside out through my skin

It's Torn

now it's ripped up

my Heartbreak makes me sick

And There's nothing I can do to escape it

Except for

SCREAMS.......they fill my head up they're circling within it

SOUL is ripped from the inside out through my skin

It's Torn

now it's ripped up

my Heartbreak is

making me sick

And There's nothing I can do to escape it

Except for Scream

maybe it's all the KISS FM....

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:22:15 GMT

Maybe it's just all the KISS FM this weekend.... but Gwen's new song is like.... PERFECT (except for like the few verses where she talks about being married, cuz umm, i'm not hahaha). I had like barely grazed the lyrics, ya know, kindof knew what it was about... but then once I heard again a few times today I realized that it just says everything I have been trying to say but haven't been able to really. So before I recap the weekend, here's Gwen's new song lyrics.... ;)

Gwen Stefani - Cool Lyrics

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool 

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new
girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

....more later....

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 06:04:54 GMT

such an awesome night!

at about 5 oclock or so kyle calls and is like- hey lets go to the GIANTS GAME! I got tickets!

So an hour later we're on the way to Darek's house to pick up the tickets, and then we hop on the bart to the muni which i haven't taken in SOOOOOOOO long and then we get to pacbell in like the 4th inning.... hahah WAY LATE but it didn't matter cuz i could smell the garlic fries and it was ALLL GOOD from there. ;)

I had never been to PacBell before so it was REALLY exciting! I hadn't been to a Giants game in like two years since before all the cool new stuff was added- so it was like the best thing ever. It was SOOO adorable seeing all those little boys in the batting cages!! I am totally going to be one of those moms that takes their little boys to Giants games and like has them go play in the batting cages in the CocaCola Fanzone!! haha wow... i'm such a loser. But i LOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEEEE BAAAASEEEEEEBBBBALLLLLLL!!!!!!!

So much fun. SO FUN. YAYY KYLE IS SOOOO AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEE! Not only cuz he gets me awesome spur of the moment tickets and lets me munch on his Giant's Dog and Nachos either.... but because he let me steal his coke. hehehe. JK! It's cuz you're awesome. THERE i said it. BLAH BLAH. :)

SoOoOoOooOoOOo got everything worked out today.... cleaned my room, GOT MY NEW HAIRCUT :) It's really exciting. I enjoy it. ummmmmmmmm really excited for this upcoming weekend. :) Exciting times ahead. GET EXCITED.

Wow this is the most hyper entry ever........... oh well! I love everything. including but not limited to the following.... laila, danielle, my new icecream my mom bought me, my mom, my dad, my brother and sister, the new harry potter book, babysitting (at times it is annoying, but hahah such FUNNY stories), kyle, the Giants, UCI, Singing, and like.... i dunno this is such a dumb entry.

OKAY GET EXCITED

*you know why i mean*

*winks*

random little thing that kept me occupied for like a half hour haha

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 19:19:47 GMT

I thought this was really cool and exciting. hahaha so here we go

15 questions. Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles...

Chosen Band: Lifehouse

1. Are you male or female? Everything Hahaha nothing fit here! boooo!

2. Describe yourself: Into the Sun

3. How do some people feel about you? We'll Never Know

4. How do you feel about yourself? Undone

5. Describe your interest: You and Me

6. Where are you: Storm

7. Where would you rather be? Hanging by a Moment here with you

8. Describe what you want to be: Everything

9. Describe how you live: All in All

10. Describe how you love: Blind

11. Describe what you hate: Walking Away

12. Describe how you feel right now: Undone

13.If theres one thing you could do right now what would it be: Come Back Down

14. Describe your closest friend: Everything

15. Advice you'd give to yourself if you were someone else: Better Luck Next Time

15 questions. Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles...

Chosen Band: KELLY CLARKSON!! YAYYYY

1. Are you male or female? Natural Woman

2. Describe yourself: Miss Independent

3. How do some people feel about you? Beautiful Disaster

4. How do you feel about yourself? Behind These Hazel Eyes

5. Describe your interest: You're All I Need

6. Where are you: Just Missed the Train

7. Where would you rather be? A Moment Like This

8. Describe what you want to be: Thankful

9. Describe how you live: Thankful

10. Describe how you love: Anytime

11. Describe what you hate: What's Up Lonely

12. Describe how you feel right now: Addicted

13.If theres one thing you could do right now what would it be: Breakaway

14. Describe your closest friend: Some Kind of Miracle

15. Advice you'd give to yourself if you were someone else: You Thought Wrong

15 questions. Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles...

Chosen Band: The Beach Boys heheheh

1. Are you male or female? Barbara Ann

2. Describe yourself: Surfer Girl

3. How do some people feel about you? Wild Honey

4. How do you feel about yourself? California Girls

5. Describe your interest: I can hear Music

6. Where are you: In My Room

7. Where would you rather be? Kocomo

8. Describe what you want to be: Fun, fun, fun!

9. Describe how you live: I Get Around

10. Describe how you love: Good Vibrations

11. Describe what you hate: God Only Knows

12. Describe how you feel right now: Do You Wanna Dance?

13.If theres one thing you could do right now what would it be: Dance, Dance, Dance

14. Describe your closest friend: Fun fun fun!

15. Advice you'd give to yourself if you were someone else: Don't Worry Baby

OKAY AND ONE MORE........

This one I did using songs from the OC soundtrack hehehehe ;)

1. Are you male or female? Something Pretty hehe

2. Describe yourself: Maybe I'm Amazed

3. How do some people feel about you? We Used to be Friends

4. How do you feel about yourself? You Got Me All Wrong

5. Describe your interest: Honey and the Moon

6. Where are you: Caught by the River

7. Where would you rather be? California

8. Describe what you want to be: Something Pretty

9. Describe how you live: Just a Ride

10. Describe how you love: How Good it can Be

11. Describe what you hate: If you Leave

12. Describe how you feel right now: Hello Sunshine

13.If theres one thing you could do right now what would it be: Paint the Silence

14. Describe your closest friend: So Sweet

15. Advice you'd give to yourself if you were someone else: Smile Like You Mean It

apparently, I am a frappacino

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 23:33:05 GMT

apparently, I am a frappacino. haha.

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

This weekend was awesome in more ways I can explain. For the most part, it was stressfree, I got to hangout with some of my favorite people in the world, and I got to basically unwind and figure out a lot of things through some good old fashioned conversation, and R&R.

:) It's moments and weekends like these that really remind me how THANKFUL I am for my friends and my family also.

Something I learned..... everyone who loves me wants the best for me.... they all just have very different opinions on what that is, and how to get it. But at least I know that they all care.

Got my "THANKFUL" band in the mail the other day.... but since I wasn't there I put it on today. I love it..... it sounds so completely cheesy but it's so true at the same time. Something as simple as a wristband can really make you realize how much you can overreact about little things....

One last thing- Kyle is really awesome! Even when he's fallin over drunk and passing out... hahah JK!!!! But seriously he's really been there for me a lot so no more Kyle bashing. for awhile anyways... JK again. :) You know what I respect most about Kyle? He always tells me whats on his mind, and never tries to be vague about things no matter how I might take them or how they might affect our relationship. Like, a few times when he's done or said things that confused me, we've always talked it out and gotten through it. That's why our relationship is so strong today I think. Cuz of our ability to share regardless of the situation.

So I've found that it really is possible to be friends with your ex.... and whats more I've found myself more and more calling him my FRIEND rather than my ex... like when people ask about him, or I introduce him, it's like- "He's one of my best friends"- rather than like... "That's my ex"- cuz first and foremost he's my friend.

Okay so now that all that's done...... ummm yah home again now, after my weekend "away"

good times- moving-in in EXACTLY ONE MONTH.... scary and exciting!

more later maybe....

*huggs and kisses to the ones i love*

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 22:25:27 GMT

you know what?

maybe you think it's ridiculous that i don't want to go to law school anymore, become a lawyer, sit behind a desk reading cases my whole life. maybe you think that its because i'm not motivated, maybe it's because you think i'm a failure and just want to bum around.

well guess what it's exactly the OPPOSITE.

I don't want to spend my whole life doing something i HATE. I HATE reading about cases, I HATED all of that, I tried it and it definately wasn't something i loved. Why would anyone want to do ANYTHING other than what they loved?!?!

So maybe you think i'm in "lala land" (a direct quote I might add), just because I have goals you call unrealistic because I want to DO WHAT I LOVE - so maybe i want to be like Lindsay Lohan and star in movies and TV and have an album and write songs..... well I don't care how unrealistic you think it is, because I know that it can happen. And it will if you would just let me follow my dreams okay!?!?

You spend all your time preaching to me about how I don't have goals, except what you really MEAN to say is that I don't have goals that YOU think are acceptable, that YOU think I can actually acheive. And btw, when did it become MENTALLY UNSTABLE to want to follow your dreams, regardless of how unrealistic they might seem TO YOU?

When did you lose all faith in me?

One minute you admit that since i was a girl i loved music and thats all i wanted to do was sing and be on stage and all of that..... and then you turn around and tell me that i live in LALA land when I tell you thats what I want to do!?!?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *screams and pulls out hair*

so anyways. thats a little shoutout to my mom.

Wednesday night got into a fight with my mom and went to fentons..... thursday morning my mom blamed me for something I didn't do, and then I went out that night to a DELICIOUSLY WONDERFUL dinner and WAR OF THE WORLDS which was deliciously HORRIBLE. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad. Like some parts were really great and some parts were just absolutely disgustingly bad.

Number of times I looked at my cell phone to see what time it was: 3

Number of times I wondered if this was worth the 10 dollars: 60

Number of times Tom Cruise cheated death when NO ONE ELSE could: 5000+

Seriously it would have been a good movie if Tom wasn't like superhuman..... like this one part (NOT A SPOILER, DON'T WORRY) he has the only working car and every other car on the freeway is stopped except MIRACULOUSLY there is room for him to swerve through all of them for hundreds of miles. PLEASE. Give me a break Spielberg. Speilberg... whatever I can't spell.

Okay so thats about it..... umm really want to go back the OC (there mom i said it again haha) because I just miss EVERYTHING about it. :(

*miss everyone...... miss my wife and chijld even though i saw them last week i still do*

i miss watching songfest with them a lot of times! hahahahaha.

only one more month to freedom..... thank you God.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

**don't ever let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game....**

* yeah *

* i know what i need *

* and you'll live as you've never lived before *

*ew times 3*

*bethelehemu*

* bay TA *

*boring post*

*.......like a petal falling to the ground.......*

*sooo come on and take it...take another little piece of my heart*

*i'm a wild one*

* ....i'm definately still alive..... thanks for asking..... *

*one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you*

*maybe it's all the KISS FM.... *

*random little thing that kept me occupied for like a half hour haha*

*apparently, I am a frappacino*

don't ever let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game....

ew times 3

bethelehemu

boring post

.......like a petal falling to the ground.......

sooo come on and take it...take another little piece of my heart

i'm a wild one

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

maybe it's all the KISS FM....

random little thing that kept me occupied for like a half hour haha

apparently, I am a frappacino